


breaking hard

by withoutwords



Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Angst, Deran POV, M/M, Tumblr Fic, mostly introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 20:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10521669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutwords/pseuds/withoutwords
Summary: “You know the sad part?” Adrian had said when he was on his back in the sand, his legs curled around Deran and his face a ghostly blue in the low light. “If I was a girl you wouldn’t take me home, either. I could never be a part of that world.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something I wrote on Tumblr, and decided to repost here.

Adrian could sleep through just about anything. By the water, or curled up in bed, or tucked into a corner of the backseat of someone’s car with his head flopped against a rattling window. 

He had freckles everywhere. Small ones dusted all over his face. Bigger, bolder ones on his shoulders, and his arms, and swirling down around his whole body until they disappeared beneath his shorts.

When he smoked, he pursed his lips all crooked and fumbled when he’d pass it round. He blew puffs of smoke like it offended him but sucked on his teeth like he was savouring the flavour. 

Deran knew him.

Outside of the surfing, and the boards, and the way he wouldn’t leave his house without some cheap ass sweater even if it was the middle of summer ("Fuck you, I’m cold.”). Outside of his whiny taste in music, and how he’d never share his favourite foods, and had a long standing agreement to call his mom at least once a week.

Outside of all that shit other people noticed: Deran knew him.

Which, in hindsight, was always the problem. Because the only people the Cody’s knew were the Cody’s. Everyone else left. Or disappeared. Or became some ugly shell of themselves because being real, being vulnerable meant having to leave. Disappearing.

Deran didn’t want that for  Adrian. For them.

“I had a dream,”  Adrian told him once, a little drunk and laughing. “I had dinner at your house and Smurf made lasagna.”  

“That’s a pathetic fucking dream,” Deran bit out, despite his voice catching; despite feeling like  Adrian had just punched him in the throat. (There had been so many times when he should have.)  

“I _love_ lasagna.” 

“I know.” 

“Then you fucked me in your childhood bed with your family down the hallway,”  Adrian told him, his smile faltering, his gaze out to where the sea became nothing, disappearing. “And all I could smell was smoke, and saltwater and that laundry powder your mom uses that I can always smell around the house after you’re gone.” 

“Jesus.” 

“I _smelt_ it,” he said again, turning over and curling closer and his warm, bitter breath playing at Deran’s ear. “It was a great fucking dream.” 

Deran had turned his head enough to kiss  Adrian , grabbing at his hair so tight that he’d known it was going to hurt. And those were the other things he knew. The hissing, gasping noises  Adrian made. The sometimes inaudible begging, and the often too loud shouting, and how the insides of his fingers felt when Deran curled his own through them. 

“You know the sad part?”  Adrian had said when he was on his back in the sand, his legs curled around Deran and his face a ghostly blue in the low light. “If I was a girl you wouldn’t take me home, either. I could never be a part of that world.” 

“Shut up, would you, Christ,” Deran grumbled, taking a bite of his neck and busying his shaking hands with fistfuls of skin and flesh. “Shut the fuck up.” 

Deran knew  Adrian. How he’d always wanted a dog but didn’t want it to be lonely when he was working, or competing. How he had a mom, and a sister, and a dad who tried his best but was always falling behind. How he once stayed up for almost three days to marathon a bunch of movies his then-boyfriend was obsessed with – even though  Adrian hated them.  

Deran knew Adrian - back to front, top to bottom – and he _liked_ him. A lot. But  Adrian knew Deran, as well. Every ugly, splintered thing (at least without the sort of details that Deran knew would get him killed). And he wasn’t enough. He would never be enough. 

Because he was Smurf’s son. And everything he had belonged to her.

And he wouldn’t let her have  Adrian.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr.](http://thefancyspin.tumblr.com)


End file.
